i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry about my life...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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