...so i touched it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
