Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
