If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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