You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
