You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
