Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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