No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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