Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
