Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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