i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
