he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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