I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
