I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
