anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
