Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
