You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
