In the future we'll all be gay
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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