Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
