i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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