It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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