I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
