so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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