Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
