The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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