Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
