I'm laying in your front yard are you home
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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