In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
