What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
foreskin is a definite game changer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
