im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
