He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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