She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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