If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
