My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
