its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
