When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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