i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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