Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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