so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
