Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
