this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
