I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
