Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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