You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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