My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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