I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
