I'm sorry my penis didn't work
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
