even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
