her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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