I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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