no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
