your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
