508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
