I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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