oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
