i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
