What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
