Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
